Love Deeply

Today is the holiday with which card, candy, and flower companies make a killing on something that will tomorrow be sold at 75% off and a profit will still be made. Yes, I am speaking of the business-created holiday of Valentine’s Day. Now, some of you will automatically assume that I am cynical and bitter. I may be a little cynical at times, but I am not bitter.

I have a heart near to bursting with love. It is simply a different type of love than what one shares with their significant other or spouse. My love is deep for my family, my friends, and most importantly, my Savior. Today I looked at pictures of my precious little cousins Eli and Sophia (http://prayforeli.blogspot.com) and my heart just grows with love for them every time I see them. I spent the day with my brother, who came home for the weekend from Ft. Bragg, and as we said goodbye I wanted to tell him over and over how much I love him. My parents are always there to support and love me and theirs is a love I could never deserve nor repay.

Love comes in many colors. Today, my color of choice was black. Not because I’m a hater of Valentine’s Day, but because I think it is silly to wear pink or red just because it is a “romantic” holiday. Tomorrow, I have no idea what I’ll wear, but once again, it won’t be dictated by a holiday, but by the weather. J When I think about love I see colors like green, blues, purples, and yellows. For some reason I never see reds or pinks. Call me crazy, but love is so much more than one day.

I grew up watching the best example of love anyone could have. My parents. My parents, after 36 years of marriage, still hold hands when they walk in public. They go away for special weekends. They may not buy flowers and candy for each other, but they cook for one another, kiss each other, and re-affirm each other through their words and actions. That is true love. That is love that can’t be summarized in a singing card or fit into a box of chocolate. That is enduring and endearing.

However, the most enduring love we will ever have is that of Jesus. He loved me before I knew Him. He loved me even though I tried to run from Him. I know that He loves me more than any human ever could and He will continue to love me even if everyone else stops loving me. He has given me a new lease on life, a new perspective on joy and a new understanding of love. No matter who I spend my Valentine’s Day with in the future, I know the true, everlasting love is the one who lifted me out of the miry pit and loves me still.

May you experience God’s love in abundance!

Preparation vs. Relaxation

Well, it is the end of the summer....at least for this school teacher. One week and I will officially be back at work. Which brings me to my recent train of thought...preparation. There are so many things to do in order to be prepared for my students in the "fall" (it's still really summer when they come back). I re-structure my classroom, put up new and interesting things on my bulletin board, write out my plans through October, organize my desk, find new "soothing" music for my students to listen to while they work, and attend meeting after meeting about thrilling things like "what to do in an emergency" and "how to turn in receipts for reimbursements (again)." However, all these things, whether dull or exciting, put me back in the "school days frame of mind."

Open the fresh pack of paper, take out a new box of colored pencils, open a brand new text book, and take a whiff. Seriously. Try it. There's nothing like it. There are smells associated with going back to school (aside from sweaty middle school students in August). You savor those smells, because they will be gone before you know it. But they are all a part of the preparation stage.

I begin preparing mentally for the first day of school at the start of July. I get into my classroom to get some work done by the end of July. I begin writing things down the first of August. Then...it's official...I'm back. However, no matter how well I believe I'm prepared, the first day never goes the way you think it will. Heck, the first month rarely goes the way you think it will. Such is life.

What have you prepared for recently? A new job, a new church, a bible study, leaving a job, moving, facing an addiction, weight loss plan, dealing with depression? It doesn't matter the issue, I am always in a phase of preparation. I like to feel prepared. When I'm caught off guard, I instantly feel frustrated.

God doesn't want us to feel frustrated. He wants us to be prepared. However, we are preparing in a different way than we do for the first day of school. God is preparing you every day for the challenges that lay ahead. He prepared me to write this blog a couple years ago when I began opening up about my difficulties and victories with just one person. I wasn't ready to share my story with the world yet, but God was preparing me. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that HE knows the plans He has for you, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future." Prepare my friend! He knows what your future entails. You just need to prepare yourself by trusting in those plans. Is it always easy? No. Is it worth it? Yes.

1 Peter 1:13 tells us, "Therefore, prepare your minds for action, be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed." He doesn't say, "here's everything you need to know." Instead He says, "prepare yourself, have self-control, set your hope on ME."

Now, preparation is the opposite of what most people would really like to do...relax. I have enjoyed a summer of relaxation. Lazy days by the pool, napping in the sun, going to movies, eating out with friends, no schedule, no work. It is difficult to pull yourself out of the mode of relaxation and go into the mode of preparation. So it is in our walk with God. It's much easier to relax and say, "I go to church on Sundays...that's when I hear from Him." It's easy to relax and "skip church this Sunday because I'd rather sleep in" or "skip worship and just make it for the sermon...that's the important part." God doesn't reward the relaxers! Yes, rest in Him, trust in Him, but don't sit on your rear end!

Prepare yourself! If you are prepared, He will use you. If you are prepared, He will surprise you with His outpouring. He loves you. The most important thing to be prepared for is eternity. Are you prepared? Do you know where you are going to spend eternity? In John 14, Jesus tells us He was going to "prepare a place for you." He desperately wants to spend eternity with you. He has prepared a place. Will you say yes?

Laying by the pool has been wonderful, but it is much more gratifying to say, "I teach middle school in hope of changing lives." It is great to go to church, but it is much more gratifying to say, "Jesus changed my life, therefore I am prepared to be used by Him."

Courage

For the last month or so I have been learning a lesson in courage. Or should I say, many lessons in courage. I started studying courage at the beginning of May. One thing that caught me off guard is the true meaning of courage. Courage is an outward showing of inward confidence. It isn't an absence of fear, instead, it is the strength to take risks, to face and endure difficulty, and to withstand our fear. In other words, you have to experience fear in order to have courage. I am reading a book by Katie Brazelton and Shelley Leith called Character Makeover. In this book they go through important character qualities (humility, confidence, courage, patience, self-control, contentment, generosity, and perseverance) and help you increase those character traits in yourself. I have been living in the courage chapter for almost a month now. Mostly because it has been a great and much-needed lesson for me lately.

Esther, of the Bible, has a very dramatic story. I have studied it before, but it has been a great refresher for me in the last month to look at her story. Esther was a Jewish woman living in the palace of the Persian king (Xerxes) and he had the power to destroy the Jewish people. Esther took the risk to go before the king without his permission (punishable by death) and plead the case of her people. However terrified she may have been, she was going to do what she had to do...show courage. Esther didn't rush into the king's chambers and demand her way. She spent time preparing herself for the challenge. She put everything aside for 3 days to prepare to show the ultimate courage. When she did take the courageous step, she was heard by the king and her people were saved.

Now obviously, my courage is not needed to save an entire people. However, it is needed to save myself. I had to have courage to stop drinking a year and a half ago. I have had to have courage to stay sober and resist the temptation to drink. I had the courage to get help in battling depression and have since become a mentally healthier person. Now, onto my next battle. I have always battled with my weight. I have tried every quick fix, fad diet, and pill you can imagine. No more. I decided to have the courage to change my life. I have always been so afraid of failure that I just couldn't stick with anything. This time it is different. I took advice from Esther. I took time to prepare. I wrote goals and I also wrote out my fears and countered them with truth.

My first feat is a big one. Other than changing my eating habits so that I may become a healthier (and hopefully lighter) person, I am going to run a 5K in August. Crazy! I've never even run a whole mile, much less 3.2 miles. However, I have not only the courage, but the people surrounding me to support me. I am working at making changes. I am facing fears...the true meaning of courage. Fear acts as a prison. It keeps us trapped and powerless. Courage breaks us out of that prison and gives us new life.

I would like to end by giving you some encouragement:
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."
2 Timothy 1:7

No matter what is facing you, no matter the fear you are facing, God can give you the courage you need to overcome. As I face some of my fears, I want to challenge you to do the same. Take charge, call out to Him who casts out all fear and take COURAGE!!! May God bless you in this courageous journey.

Movies and Real Life

Now that I have moved into my own place I have had more opportunity to watch movies...as I clean, as I write, as I cook, as I eat chili on a cold and snowy day. Movies take us away from reality. Movies give us the adventure our lives may be missing. They give us hope. They bring us to tears. We laugh, we cry, and we can get frustrated with the stupid things the characters do. But movies are not real life.

I think that's what is so great about movies. They are not real life...or at least not my life. Granted, I do burst into song on occasion (it's the musical in me), but for the most part, movies and real life are complete opposites. Today I was watching a "behind the scenes" of a movie. They did 137 takes for one scene and then cut and paste it together to get the perfect scene. Can you imagine? 137 chances to mess up and then have the best parts of those 137 chances put together to make a great scene.

Personally, I can't stand the thought of doing the same "scene" of my life 137 times. However, sometimes I wish the "best" of life were all that was seen. :-) That is our prideful nature.

I'm currently reading a chapter in a book about humility. It's not the "doormat" humility we often think about. My pastor recently preached about humility from 1 Peter 5: 6 - 10. We have to humble ourselves before God. Submit to God knowing that He is in control and is sovereign. When we are humble it necessitates our dependence on God. That doesn't mean we sit on our backsides and expect something to happen, but we are also not to fall into the lie of our society that God helps those who help themselves. It doesn't say that ANYWHERE in scripture. Instead we need to be alert, clear-headed, vigilant.

We need to be vigilant that our enemy, Satan, is prowling seeking to devour his prey. We need to be vigilant that we do not sit in false humility and instead allow Satan to redirect that humility into our natural instinct to take control for ourselves instead of allowing God to be in control. Instead, we need to remain firm in our faith by staying connected to our Lord. Faith is knowing God is who He says He is, He will do what He says He'll do...and that is all true regardless of our circumstance.

So...life isn't a movie. We don't have all our problems worked out in an hour and a half. We don't have all the answers. We do have the best screenplay writer ever. What we do have is a God who is faithful. We have a God that can restore us and make us strong and steadfast. We have a God who cares deeply about our desires and gives us clarity in His timing so that we can continue in His will. That is better than any movie. I do believe in a happily ever after...God's....in His time.

God bless and happy movie watching!

Just a few thoughts...

I know it has been a month since my last post. I'm praying about my next post and have not yet been able to put my thoughts into a sensible format for others to read. So, in lue of a longer post here are some of my "random" thoughts:

1. I'm thinking about changing my hair. I'm not sure how drastic, but I'm thinking shorter, maybe going back to straight hair and some highlights.
2. I just got the invitation for my 10 year high school reunion. Wow...10 years. How time flies, whether it's fun or not. :-)
3. Easter is upon us. Spend some time reflecting on what Christ did for us when He sacrificed His life so that we might have life and have it abundantly.
4. My cousin and his wife just had baby #3 - Matthew James.
5. My other cousins and their wives have kids that are just growing up too fast and I don't get to see them nearly as often as I would like.
6. I'm experimenting in the kitchen and trying out new recipes. So far I'm 3 for 3.
7. I finally have my apartment completely decorated and only one box left to unpack...it's that "junk" box that we all have.
8. My students are retaining some of the knowledge I am trying to give them. We've had some good discussions lately.
9. I have now reached the age where 9pm is the perfect bedtime and 10pm is too late.
10. I have the best family and friends a girl could ask for!

I know that this may mean nothing to you, but it's just a little update on my life and thoughts that aren't on the deep side.

God bless!

To My Brother

I am writing this entry in honor of Jason, my brother. Jason is my little brother, although I use the term "little" very loosely as he is taller and stronger than I am. Jason leaves tomorrow to finish his tour of duty in Iraq. Jason is a part of the 82nd Airborne division of the United States Army. He is stationed at an SUJ and does different missions each day.

People ask me how I feel about war now that my brother is in Iraq. My feelings have never changed. I don't think anyone likes war. Why would you? However, I support the troops and more than anything I support my brother and the decision he made to join the Army. Jason is not your typical 22 year-old. Jason is mature and smart and driven. He made the choice to join the Army after much prayer and consideration and he has done an excellent job.

Jason is so much fun to be around. He has a great sense of humor and gives awesome hugs. He always knows when I need a hug. The difficult part about Jason being in the Army is not that he is in Iraq. The most difficult part for me is that he is absent. I can honestly say that Jason is one of my closest friends and without him, there is just something missing. Mom and dad's house just seems a little too quiet at times on Sundays and funny movies are missing something when I don't have Jason to laugh alongside.

However, Jason being gone has helped me change for the better. For the past few years I have used Jason as my wall to hide behind. He has been my safety net. If I ever needed someone to go along with me to an event, he was there. I didn't need to step out of my box or out of my comfort zone because he was always there for me to stand beside or hide behind. When Jason left I found myself a little lost. It took some time before I began to feel empowered as my own person and felt like I could stand on my own. I know...a 27 year-old hiding behind her 22 year-old brother sounds a little lame. Fortunately, Jason has always encouraged me. He encouraged me to step out and enjoy life more and more. He is out of the country working his tail off and I am going to live each day to the fullest knowing that he wants me to be happy and strong.

So, thank you Jason. Thank you for your strength, encouragement, humor, love, life and hugs. Continue striving to keep the Lord first in your life. Make Him the center and know that He is in control. Know that you are in my prayers and my love for you is never-ending. Keep doing your job and follow your heart. Live a life filled with passion and commitment. I'll be awaiting your return. I love you.

New Shoes

New shoes. New shoes make me happy. Now, I'm not a shopaholic. I actually don't like shopping. However, I like new shoes. The shine. The way they sit on display just begging to be worn. "Try me, I'd add a little drama to a drab outfit," say the 4-inch stilettos. "How about me?" say the black ballet flats, "I'm a classic." The boots, the pumps, the pointy toes, the heels with strappy ankles. New shoes. I may only buy one pair every six months or so, but I love the way they look. The heel hasn't been worn down, the label inside is clean and perfect, no blemishes, just waiting to mold to my feet. Good shoes do that you know. Quality shoes mold to your feet as you wear them. You don't have to massage your feet every time you sit down.

I recently bought a new pair of shoes. They are red, peep toes with a 3-inch stiletto heel. Classic look with just a touch of pizazz. I started thinking how I felt trying on new shoes. They need to be a perfect fit. They can't rub wrong and if they're heels, they need to accentuate my calves just so. This got me thinking about God. When I put on new shoes or clothes recently purchased I feel refreshed, clean, new. Sometimes you even replace old items with the new. This led to my thoughts on 2 Corinthians 5:17, Ephesians 4:22 - 24, and Ezekiel 36:26 - 27.

2 Corinthians 5:17
"Therefore, it anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"

Ephesians 4:22 - 24
" You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds, and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."

Ezekiel 36:26 - 27
"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws."

They all speak about being new. I made some big mistakes in my life. I've had the "blisters" to prove it. I have lived before with a "heart of stone." I was in a relationship in which I thought it was okay for him to treat me poorly, to put me down in front of his friends, to make me resent my parents' caring. He was a bad pair of shoes. However, instead of getting rid of him, I bought band-aids for the blisters. Cover them up. Hide the damage. Limp on. In your mind you think, "I made this purchase and now I'm stuck with it." NO YOU ARE NOT!!! God makes all things new! God's Spirit moves inside you, urges you to find better, trust Him, put off your old self, renew the attitude of your mind.

You, my dear friend, are created to be like God. God will bandage the blisters, but not so you can shove your feet back into the same old shoes, but in order for you to step proudly into that new pair. You are a new creation. I am a new creation. Wearing white on my wedding day? You bet I am! Because I am a new creation. The old has gone.

Maybe you are still stuck in the old. Maybe your blisters are fresh. Maybe they are just beginning. Perhaps they are already calloused. No matter where you are, God is there too. Loving, caring, crafting a perfect pair of shoes for you so that you may walk in His will and not that of your own or someone else's choosing. I'm not going to lie. There is cost involved, but they joy far outweighs the cost. Trust your path to His craftsmanship. Allow your feet of clay to be molded in His image. Smell the new leather, give yourself the OK and put on the new shoes. Stand tall, walk with strength, run and do not grow weary, traverse the path with Him.

Shoes grow old, go out of style, or simply get worn out. God never does. God will never give out on you. When you become a new creation you, like new shoes, become a magnet. People want to know what makes you special above the rest. You can proudly tell your story and how God can make anyone a new creation. NEVER settle for less than God's best. Satan is a deceiver, but God can shine His Truth into your life. He did it for me. He brought me out of bondage. He healed my blisters and made me a new creation.