Trading My Sorrows

The other day I was watching The Mating Game. It's an old movie about a family being investigated for tax evasion. They have never earned more than a couple hundred dollars because they always traded; 2 cows for a pile of manure, manure for a manure spreader, the manure spreader for a fridge, a fridge for an electric organ which they donated to the church. It got me thinking about other things (whether good or bad) that we trade in our lifetime. Take for instance my 6th grade year when a classmate called me fat. Now granted, I was a size 1 to her size 00, but in no way was I fat. However, instead of holding to the truth, I chose to trade a piece of my self-confidence for a lie. When I was 16 years old, I met a boy who seemed to fulfill my girlish dreams. He brought me roses and bought me jewelry. In the beginning everything seemed perfect. Then the trading began. A little time away from family traded to have more time with him. A little self-confidence traded each time he joked at my expense. A spiritual mis-step each time he criticized my faith. They seemed like such insignificant things. No big deal. But to Satan, it was another dig, another jab and another step closer to binding me. I had been dating this guy for two years when the time came to move away to college. Of course, we couldn't separate. He moved with me. Once we were 12 hours away from home the grip tightened. If I wanted to keep him in my life the trade-off was only having the friends he chose for me to have. His jealously increased and another trade was made; constant communication to make sure I was where I should be. Then came even bigger trades. Trading my purity to prove my loyalty. Molding myself into what he wanted. I traded my song for silence. I am a singer. Music is my passion and yet the bondage was so strong I literally quit singing because he told me to.
Why didn't I escape? It didn't cross my mind. At that point I was totally dependent on him and only a shell of the person I used to be. All from trading that added up to incredible worth, incredible debt. I then traded misery for numbness in the form of alcohol. One drink was all I'd need. Just enough to dull the pain of the hateful comments that came directly from him and then reverberated in my brain cementing lies into "truths." One drink became 2, then 3, then 6, then 10, then however many it took to pass out.No one really knew, I thought I was all alone. When I really stopped to think I wanted to believe that God had given up on me just like I had.
Then after 4 years the relationship was gone. Unfortunately, I had traded so much and ended up with pain, regret, hurt, and a dependency on a substance instead of a Savior. I began to go back to church. I attended an incredible church (http://www.lifechurch.tv/) and found myself craving the presence of God. Yet, for some reason I still craved alcohol. I didn't end up on the street. In fact, ended up graduating from college with a 3.75 GPA and a thirst. I was driven but I dealt with stress through alcohol. When I drank I didn't have to be me. I could pretend to be someone else, someone whole, someone without pain. When I look back I am truly amazed to have lived when I could have died. All the times I was trading my dignity for alcohol, God was there. Holding out His hand, saying, "grasp this hand, drink living water and never thirst again." God continued to pursue me as a man pursues his true love. Finally, on January 1, 2008, I heard and truly grasped on and prayed for strength to get out of the deep end. I promised God one year without alcohol. Cold turkey, no going back. One step at a time. Sometimes the darkness seemed overwhelming, the desire too great, but through HIS strength I can do all things. On January 1, 2009 I celebrated one year without a drink of alcohol.
At the one year point I committed to a second year. I'm trading up now. As the song says, "I'm trading my sorrows, I'm trading my shame, I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord."
What have you been trading? Cash it in for abundant riches through Jesus Christ! Being free from alcohol addiction doesn't come easily, but trusting God makes each step worth it. No pit is too deep, no pain too severe that God cannot reach you there.
"He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire." Psalm 40:2
He lifted me, therefore I choose daily to follow Him and not my own desires. I made a choice. I chose to have life, and through Christ we are all promised to have life and have it abundantly.